Drowning into the sea (and I cant swim)

And I just can’t look - it's killing me

And taking control

Jealousy, turning saints into the sea

Turning through sick lullabies

Choking on your alibis

But it’s just the price I pay

Destiny is calling me

Open up my eager eyes

Cause I’m Mr Brightside

>The Killers<

Tema 2 minggu ini- Cemburu

Ish,rumah ni mmg kuat jealous.Baik aku atau Anna.Tapi aku la kot ketuanya.Sampai sekrang, Zen pun ikut sama.

Sorry Zen,we are suppose to feminize you,but instead,we turned you into jealousy-macho zen!

Jealous.Cemburu.Jaki?Dengki?Semua sama erti ke?

Mungkin tidak~

Lain erti,sama maksud?

Mungkin tidak~

Kenapa mesti cemburu?

Tanda sayang?

Mungkin tidak~

Habis,kenapa masih cemburu?

...no comment...

Bosan2 malam minggu,lepas berlelah di ED,membuang masa membuat ini:

Desire to Be the Center of Attention
Eldest Child Average Score - 5 over 10

MINE - 7/10 (huish,terbukti~)

For many eldest children, being the center of attention can translate to feeling valued and loved. Some eldest children, although not all, are spoiled by being the sole focus of their parent's attention. As younger siblings come along, eldest children tend to feel threatened that they will lose the close relationship they have with their parents. In the attempt to regain their central position in the family, many eldest children become quite skilled at drawing attention to themselves. It is likely that when you are left alone, you may engage in performance-oriented activities, such as dancing or playing a musical instrument. Because of your desire to be the center of attention, you probably tend to be outgoing, entertaining and upbeat when you are around others. However, for many first-borns, the desire to be the center of attention can have negative consequences. Eldest children can be quite self-absorbed and selfish. When things do not go as planned, being rude or having temper tantrums is a possible response.

IS IT???

My first week in ED was really tiring.I have 4 more days to go.~sigh~BIG one!

McDreamy

Tengah study kat library,sekali terkoya pulak. Ingat masa kecik2 dulu (form 2 still kecik ke?).

After PMR.

--Abah,org ingat kaklong nak berenti sekolah lah?
--Berenti sekolah?Kau gila ke?
--Hahahahha..relax,bah.Bukan berenti belajar.Kaklong tak mo sekolah kat situ lagi je.
--Eik, sekolah dah punya bagus,kamu nak tukar?Kenapa?Kena buli ke?dah nak masuk upper form kena buli lagi?Biar betul!
--Eh, abah.Kita buli orang lagi adalah!
--Habis tu?
--Sekolah tak offer aliran sastera la...
--Kaklong nak jadi apa amik aliran sastera?
--Kaklong nak jadi penyair...
--APA?PENYAIR?

adoi,lawak betul.Terdiam abah dengar.I think he has doubt on me at that time.Tapi salah dia juga,siapa suruh kasi typewriter kat aku masa aku darjah 5?hehehhe...
Rentetan peristiwa di atas, sebab abah dah tak terkata,aku teruskan menjadi SRIKANDI (never regret,bebeh!) Weekends je,aku ngan Hasfa berdating dgn Encik Zulkifli (secara senyap2 ni.pheewittt).Kitorg amik kelas sastera dengan cikgu Zul.Cikgu ni ajar Fizik asalnya.Best wo.Underground class.2 students only.Tapi tak lama sbb cikgu Zul kena sambung belajar overseas.huhuhu. (HASFA, di manakah kamu,dong!Kepingin mahu ketemu!)

Masa form 4

---Zuwa,aku nak jadi Chemical Engineer la.Macam macho je nama dia. (Seriously,at this point,I have no idea what that means...hehehhe..) Ha, tak pun jadi pharmacist.
---Memang macho,derq.Kita masuk UTP nak?
---Weh,best ar tuh.Tapi I think my parents want me to be a doctor la.
---Serious?Apasal?
---Ntahnya.Pasal kaya kot.Aku nyampahla jadi doktor ni.Macam berlagak je.Sangka hebat sgt boleh baikkan sakit orang.Aku paling malas nak jumpa doktor.Orang yang paling tak mesra di alam maya ini.Pelik aku.Diorang ni suka double-standardkan orang. (pergh,aku ingat balik,gell marah aku ngan doctors.now???right back on my face!)
---Apa derq ko merepek ni...hahahhaha.
---Betul la.Ok2,aku tau.Kalu parents aku nak gak aku jadi doctor,aku amek je medic.Pastu,dah grad,aku kasik certificate aku kat parents aku.Pastu aku blaja lagi, nak proceed my dream-nak jadik pharmacist.

Wah2,gell semangat aku dulu.Tak terfikir langsung berapa lama nak blaja tu.

My feet on the ground now.
In my final year of study,I feel like those memories just passed me by. I dont think I can take this anymore.Penat weh jadi student ni.

Pharmacists are brilliant.They can remember all the drugs.They are drug addicts.heheheh.

(cita-cita aku dulu tak merapu ataupun mengarut.but i was grandious...tapi,cita-cita aku sekarang merapu dan mengarut.And I'm still hoping those will become reality.That will be awesome!!!!)

Lelah

Best umah dekat pantai. Boleh lepas tensi sambil2 main air.

Korang pernah main tenteng kat tepi pantai?Tak pernah,kan?Jgn jeles eh...

(Eh,ladies,we can make iklan cam Petronas tula...kenapa ombak jahat...budak kecik tu main tenteng kat tepi pantai apa~)

Penat dengan kerja

Tapi tak mahu jadi kuli

Penat dengan manusia

Tapi tak mahu jadi bangkai

Penat dengan diri

Tapi tak mahu jadi basi

Penat dengan dunia

Tapi diri tak mahu mati

Comfortably numb!

It's the end of first 2 weeks of surgeyr attachment.Man,so hard!Pukul 7 dah keluar.Shuruq pun belum lagi.Ayam kuat je berkokok (kalaulah duduk kat kampung kan,xdela kat Welly ni ha...)

Semalam buat long day.Finished at 11pm.Gosh,tired like heaven!

Starting from next week,I'm attached to ED.Will be starting with late shift.Adoila.

I wanted to post pictures of Wellington Hosp, my lovely and flash work-study place =) Alangkah sedihnya,takda satu gambar pun dekat Google.Iskiskisk...punyalah tak famous kan?

Nuha came home after a week in Plamy. Farah is sick;poisoned by the food she had eaten from Food Fest.

Kesimpulan this week: I AM NUMB!!!

Comfortably Numb

"My hands felt just like two balloons"

The Wall, 1979 The first place.

Courtesy from dpchallenge.com

OOO Yea???

Kata orang:

-Kawan tanpa kompromi
ooo yea???

- One should love you, the way you are. Not the way she wants you to be. If someone tries to change you, then it's not love, but a compromise... One doesn't compromise in love, rite?
ooo yea???

(courtesy to McN)

Kena tinggal lagi!

Kalau Farah baca ni, sure she'll get mad at me. "Bukan kena tinggal la Kak Udeq,U chose to be left at home!".Im sure that would be her reply.

True, I have been lazy-bum this Easter Break.Declined to join the trip to Rotorua,Taupo,Ohekune etc with Seng,Ana,Unai,Nuha n Zen.And last nite, when girls from upstairs approached me and invited me to join their trip to Wairarapa.Thanks girls!

Sakit lagi badan ni dari netball semalam.Dah season dah ni.Adoila.Camne nak main for April nanti?Ni belum suku abad,kang kalu dah masuk suku abad,badan pun dah kerepot.huhuuhhu

Pernah terfikir tak,kenapa kita kena jaga badan kita?Kenapa orang yg jaga badan (by eating healthy food,exercising,meditating etc) tapi still lagi sakit?Hehe.True,dah takdir Allah.OK,aku dah merepek ni.Serious.Sangap dah duduk dalam bilik ni.

I better end this entry now, and go to sleep (12.44 pm now!)

Getting ready-Red team!

Getting ready-Green team! (My team is Blue.xde sapa nak amek gambar grup kita,Jenny!sadis2)
Meme and Mun preparing the court!

Thanks to everybody for the fun game! Riadah 08

Good Friday!

Yeay!Cuti!Holiday!Walla~~~

Dekat rumah ni, tinggal Mel,Wani & aku je.

Bebudak lain gi jln2 to Taupo and Rotorua.


Yesterday was my last day in Onco Ward.I like it so much.The team was so friendly.I actually feel like I belong to that team.A month with Onco team taught me a lot about life.Surrounded by people who have cancer,most of them are terminally ill.I witnessed 3 death during my attachment.The first one was affecting me badly.But I know, in the future this is the situation that I have to deal with.While I was there, I saw too many type of people, with different kind of scenarios.I saw this couple,the husband is newly diagnosed Burkitt's Lymphoma patient;the wife asked me whether she can kiss her husband or not-afraid the chemo will affecting her,indirectly.And I replied,"Your husband deserve your kisses,madam!".


Next,Im going for surgery.Something that Im not looking forward too.huhuhuhu..Oh God, give me strengths to do this.8weeks man, 8 freaking week!aduh2!

Anyway, 4days of weekend!5 dvds awaiting for me to put them into the dvd player!

-Cursed

-Like Mike

-Hating Alison Ashley

-Saved!

-Shattered Glass
OK, the marathon starts now!

Satu itu KUAT

Satu itu tunggal.

Satu itu esa.

Satu itu ganjil.

Satu itu kuat.

Satu is the only.

Kalau dalam satu kelompok yang bersatu,kalau ada satu orang yang tak mahu bekerjasama,kelompok itu akan berpecah.

Sebidang kain putih,putih berseri.Tetiba ada satu tompok hitam.Satu sahaja.Tak berseri dah kain tu.

Satu grup penuh dengan orang yang agak baik, satu sahaja yang bermasalah.Seluruh grup digelar 'bermasalah.'

Yang satu itu memang kuat.

Tak payahlah nak cakap pasal kesatuan kalau saf depan mata pun tak dihiraukan.

Tak payahlah nak berbincang tentang orang lain kalau hati orang lain tak ditimbangkan.

Jangan nak menuding jari kepada orang lain sebab tak tegur kita.Lagi teruk kalau salahkan orang salah menegur kita.

"Aku,kalau ditegur elok2,sure aku berubah,Ni tegur macam apa je,lagi teruk aku jadi adalah"

Untuk diri menelik balik apa yang boleh ditelek.

Hard

I still remember, the first time I noticed my heart pumps abv 150bpm was during the psych run, back in 2006.Then during the tutorials with Mr.King and Mr.Keating.Holly and Dylan were there,counting my pulse,each time they saw my pales-looking face.


I just finished my psych run last week.This time, viva was my enemy!I bet the examiners noticed my shaky hands,restless legs and quivery voices. Still waiting for the result~


So, what have I done this month?

My first shooting experince!

Officers at the graduation day of Waioru Military Camp

Medieval Market at Levin

Sisters' camp at Kaitoke,Upper Hutt

"Dah besar anak mak"

Lama betul tak up-date blog ni.Sampai Nuha dah bising-bising =) Currently, I'm doing my psych run.My supervisor still on her annual leave;so at the time, I'm under Dr.Flewett at Community Alcohol and Drug Service.

Dah 24 tahun.Well, will be soon~Macam-macam kena fikirkan?Bila marah pun,nak kena diam-diam.Cakap dengan hati,latih diri.Padahal memang tak boleh pun marah merapu =p

Makin besar,makin kita menjadi matang.Apa itu matang?What is maturity?Balik Malaysia hari tu, C-chotte risau sebab dia tak matang (you are so mature,C-chotte.Believe me).Makin matang seseorang tu,rasanya makin kebudak-budakan dia.Perasan tak?It doesnt make sense,does it?

Tom said ego will grow with age.So does maturity,doesnt it?Therefore,maturity equals to ego.It is not rocket science,pretty self explanatory!Jadi,makin dewasa seseorang itu,makin matanglah dia,makin menebal lah egonya juga.There we go!All making sense now!

Siapa nak jadi orang besar?Semua orang pun nak!Kenapa?Best~Banyak benda boleh buat.Orang pun pandang tinggi kat kita.Ye ke?Tak kot~

Then, you dont want to be an adult?Really?Stay lingering upon your childhood reminiscence?

Masa duduk bujang ni lah baru tahu apa itu berdikari.Nak2 masa tengah belajar/bekerja.Dengan kerenah kawan2 yang kadang2 kita tak faham.Bukan kata kawan,diri sendiri pun kita tak boleh nak faham =D

Found this on the net.Really?Probably applicable for surgeons only...hahhahahha

From my past II

Hari terakhir cuti.

Masih lagi mengemas bilik. (Bila nak sudahnya,Huda~Iskiskisk)

Kali ni aktiviti membaca-baca surat dan kad lama.

Dulu, masa baru datang,banyak sungguh kad dan surat dapat.

Sekarang ni,mentang-mentanglah dah setengah dekad merantau,kad raya pun dapat satu saja.

Iskiskisk,malang Tok Kaduk.

Selepas dipromo pun,masih satu saja yang menjengah.

Tak patutlah korang ni =p

Cerita Sabtu

Awal pagi tadi telefon Kak Yan.Akad nikah malam nanti,esok bersanding.Kak Yan is my cousin.She's 25.Serasa macam baru semalam borak-borak atas katil Kak Nora,duduk bersembang girly stuff.Masa tu ketiga kami baru nak kenal dunia,terutamanya yang tgh bercerita ni.=p Kak Nora and Kak Yan work after their SPM,whereas me continue with the uni.I guess that makes us a lil bit apart;having a different path after the high school.Still we are sisters,bonded by Javanese blood.Hehehhe...Sekarang,Kak Nora dah bersuami 4 tshun,perutnya berisi sebulan (ada ke pula perut,rahim kan?=p).Kak Yan pula bakal duduk satu kelab dengan Kak Nora.Saya lagi terkontang-kanting sorang.Hihihih...I am the eldest,but I am always their sister.Love you guys!
Aunty Rose menjengah ke rumah tengah hari tadi.Cari teman katanya.Bila dah duduk bersembang dengan Aunty,tak sah kalau bukan sejam dua.Lebih dari tu pun mampu.Tak bosan dengan leteran Aunty.
Dari ceramah pasal tatatertib sampailah ke hal rumahtangga.Hahaha..did I say rumahtangga?Ye,Huda! Awak tu dah 23.Welcome to adulthood.
Aunty pesan,kalau kita kerja dlm community services area,jagalah hati orang baik-baik.Nobody should be treated as a 2nd class citizen.Each of us has our value.Different from each other.That is why we need to treat people with same situation differently.Lebih-lebih lagi kalau pekerja kerajaan,nak-nak yang bergelar Doktor M.D.Common penyakit pun,setiap orang kena dirawat dengan berbeza.
Life should be seen from all perspectives.We are living in a glass house.You turn right,you will get different view from the left.Memang senang dicakap,tapi,harap-harapnya,apa yang dicakap akan bawa kepada perbuatan. =)
Apa-apa pun kita buat,kena buat betul-betul dan kena sentiasa ikhlaskan diri.Make sure you make yourself as an asset to your boss.Hehehe..asset eh,Aunty~ Meow...
Aunty pesan lagi, "Kamu ni, nak jadi doctor,make sure kawin sebelum kamu kerja.Once you've entered working life, you will be married to it.No more man~."Agak keras penyataan tu rasanya,kan?Well,perhaps I am not yet in such position to say any comment,as I have never experienced myself.I have seen get married after they work and I have seen women married to their jobs.So, yea...really can't tell which one I'm going to be like.Either way for me,individual options.You have commit to something,obviously you have to sacrifice something else.Clearly,Aunty doesn't agree with me. =p
Bahaya hang out dengan Aunty lama-lama.Maklumlah, orang dah makan garam dulu,pandai betul Aunty meneka apa di dalam ni..Hish~~~ =p Kagum betul tengok orang main teka-teka fikiran orang ni,kan?MasyaAllah~
Melor baru pergi school tadi.Pulang dari Moshim,nak buat pulut hitam.Permintaan khas Zanisha...Hehehe (..dpt juga kita merasa pulut hitam Mel lagi =p).Bukan pulut hitam je Mel bawa ke rumah, dia bawa sekalah buku-buku dari pigeon hole.
I guess, the holiday is over for me.Time to get serious again! Back on track,Huda!
Pretty excited about it.Ye lah, dah menjadi TI kan?Alhamdulillah~
Still a bit worried.I don't think I am ready yet.
With current situation, just Melor and I at home.
No Ana.No Wani.No Zen.No Nuha~
How I wish you guys were here.Support me to overcome this nervousness.
Never take for granted what we usually have~

Hadith 1

Credit to sister Hawa =)

Khazanah di zaman silam

HATI MENANGIS SIAPA TAHU

Sahabat
Mengertikah kau
Akan perasaanku
Yang terbahagi
Oleh persahabatan dan keakraban

Aku manusia daif
Yang sering alpa
Tanggungjawab terhadapmu
Aku ibarat gelas
Walau buruk macam manapun
Walau cantik macam mana pun
Air akan tetap bergenang dalam tubuhku

Teman
Manusia tak pernah lari dari kesilapan
Manusia tidak pernah lari dari kealpaan
Kealpaan yang menghancurkan persahabatan

Tolong,sahabat!
Tolonglah daku
Maafkanlah daku
Lupakanlah kesalahanku

Tuhan
Ampunilah ralatku
Ralat yang dicucuk iblis
Tuhan
Pujuklah hati temanku
Untuk memaafkanku

Teman
Jika kau berkeras hati
Tidak memaafkanku
Biarlahku bawa diri
Dengan rasa ketakutan menjadi hiasan diri

Lama sudah kusimpan sajak ini,sedari ia mula tertulis.1998.Dah dekat sedekad!

No title

Don't know when I made this.Obviously not this recent =)

(Lama betul Huda tak menulis ya?Iskiskisk...)

Biarlah diam menongkat dagu
Menunggu tetamu bilakan menjengah
Dari resah gelisah hati ragu
Melayan dia yang banyak kerenah

Diam itu indah
Apabila hati mengalun simfoni
Hingar itu anugerah
Apabila kita ketemu harmoni

Doubutsu Uranai

I found this from my hard disc.Let's see who true it is =)

Huda

June/11/1984

Female
You are Red Wolf

• Who is not afraid of meeting new people, and are kind to everybody. (Hohohoh...I dont think so.It scares a hell of me when it comes to meeting new people.I am the nervous one, you see.)
• You are very sociable and extremely innocent woman. (I kindda agree with this =p)
• There are many unique type of people in Red Wolf. You are bold enough to push your own way, without being restricted by tradition and common knowledge. (Wow,so not true! I am limiting myself to the very traditional way of life.Open-minded though!)
• You don't care what the other people think of you. You want to do as you wish. Therefore, your life style and preferences are little bit different from others. (Ek,wrong again.What people say about me is the uttermost)
• You dislike having no style of your own. (Emm,maybe~)
• You possess your own sense of balance, and you create your own environment. (Again,maybe~)
• You have sharp instinct that you use in daily life. This makes you do a good job of life. (Ooo..This would be Anna's.Not me.I am a thinker rather a feeler)
• You are very pure inside, but this sometimes can create misunderstanding. (I'm gonna say "Oh,That is so true")
• Once you decide on something, you will definitely carry it out. But that may be today or a year later. This makes it difficult to plan other things. (I am soo the other way round)
• You ought to be careful not to give up so easily. (Really?Hmm~~~)
• Although you tend to be rather unique, the way you look for originality makes you successful in the field of designing and planning. (Hahaha..the only field that I am really bad at)
• You are cheerful and have dreams, so you can adapt to circumstances quite easily. (Easy,but it takes great efforts,aye!And,yeas! I have zillion of dreams =p)
• You have a good sense of balance. (Huh?I cant balance my life up,and I cant even ride a bike!)
• You can think and calculate about your future. (Who can?)
• You may go for an arranged marriage. (I like the idea of it, dream of it but I dont think my parent would agree with it...huhuhu..poor me)

Seems like more againts than pro.Nganganga~~~

From the deepest me

It's all coming back to me now.
Maybe people might say "It's so cliche."Nevermind.I find it the same too!
But for real,the feeling that I had a week after the exams finished (or a week before the results were ready for us) just the same when I waited for my PMR results.
It was 8years ago. My sleepless nights (although I found myself woke up quite late everyday~), the uncomfortable feelings within me etc.Couldn't put them all in one word!Owh,wait.Maybe there's one-MISERABLE!
Failure is what I fear for at this moment.Not just me, everybody! I found this quotation is rather popular within the past few weeks "Failure is simply a price we pay to achieve success!"Often seen in blogs or shoutbox.Exam fever,I reckon.
8 years ago, I called school office, to know my PMR results.Alhamdulillah,I got 8As.Sadly, my friends couldn't make it.Supposely I should feel joyful with my own result but reality I wasnt. Abah told me not to worry about them.It wasnt my fault that they couldnt make it.Even not theirs.It was just written by HIM.Been living together for 3 years;sharing the good and bad moments,made our sisterhood grows even stroger each day.When it's only you who reached the top, and others still struggling,it wasnt fun at all.
Now, the tragedy repeats.Before I proceed,Alhamdulillah, praise to Allah.Who has granted me what I wanted,for so long.For myself,mak,abah,adik2,cikgu2 and family.Of all people, I would thank people who always be there for me, during my great and worst time-Anna Mohamad,Melor Khairul Bakri, Shazwani Jaafar Sidek, Ayuni Mohamed,Siti Zunairah Jaafar,Azalea Khairuddin,Ailin Omar,Nusaibah Azman.You guys don't know how important you are to me.I really mean it,truly.Here, I thank you all. (And also to Holly Shine,Neil Avery and Aimee Hawker-my OSCE groupmates) Somehow, I am afraid.What will be taken away from me as I have gotten my dream. I wished for this since forever,and I wonder how much will I need to pay for it. Life is a bumpy road.For sure, we are not always on the top.I feel like I'm on the top at the moment.I don't know what will bring me down again.I said to Sasmira once ,"I don't like to be on the top.When you fall,you will hurt youself badly.It's better to stay in the middle of the wheel.Flat and boring.But it just the way I like it." But you know,being on the top would always be a dream of mine.I could only dream of it,not strong enough to experience it myself.
Perhaps,life isn't as simple as that.It has all written in Luh Mahfuz.

“Adakah kamu mengira kamu akan masuk Syurga, padahal belum datang kepada kamu dugaan seperti yang datang kepada orang-orang sebelum kamu. Mereka ditimpa malapetaka dan kesengsaraan serta digoncangkan (dengan berbagai cubaan) sehingga berkata Rasul dan orang-orang beriman bersamanya, “Bilakah datangnya pertolongan Allah,?”. Ingatlah sesungguhnya pertolongan Allah itu dekat” (Al-Baqarah:214).
Ayat ini betul-betul menyedarkan diri yang hanyut.Diri yang masih lagi tak utuh bila dibedal taufan duniawi.Macam mana nak balik tanah tumpah darah kalau diri masih ditakuk lama.Macam mana nak merubah dunia kalau penghuni jasad tak mahu bertukar rupa.

From the past

Baru tadi punya semangat.

Semangat mengemas bilik. =) Sedang ghairah menyelongkar barang lama,terjumpa pula khazanah dulu.Terus album memori terselak kembali.

Look what I've found from my past...

Inilah Praktikum Hayat 3, KMJ Pioneer 2002/2003

Dia adalah putera katak saya.Saya berjumpa dengan si dia semasa saya menetap di Salmond Hall, 2003. Dari Hawaii dia berasal.Entah di mana si dia sekarang.Hmmm~~~

Sesi bergambar di Oumaru.Trip bersama Abang Amin dan Kak Lah,serta adik-adik saya yang kiut;Izzah,Ain dan Iman.Kamu tahu tak,saya rindu kamu tau.Terutama yang ada dlm gambar itu!Rindu sungguh!

Winter trip 2005 bersama Aseng selaku pemandu, Aini dan Abu. Really fun,guys!

Ini baru kotak pertama.Ada lagi kotak meraung menanti diselongkar.

Bersambung nanti.

The End of Fifth Year

(from previous entry)

4th station
You are a TI in one of the GP practice.A mother concerns about her son who has poorly controlled eczema.

GP station.Fuh,tough.But I should be able to do this.Eczema.Pretty random!Come on,Huda.You have been to eczema clinic with awesome Debbie,the eczema nurse.Argh, kenapalah saat2 begini tak berfungsi minda ni?Tarik nafas.Fuh!

5th station
Alamak! Dr.Stace is here~He is my guru!Salute him!Dr.Rajapakse is here too,accompanying Dr.Stace.Gabra2!Relax Huda!

This gentleman comes in as he complains of being fat.Attached is the lab results for him.Take a focused history and you will be asked few questions after 8 minutes.

I have to admit, I could have done this better.Way better.Sigh~

6th station
"Ok Huda.You are meant to take history from this gentleman who complains of pain around his abdomen started 2days ago.But, he is gone to the loo.Shall we wait for him?We will give you extra time,okay?"

What?Extra time?That isn't possible!The timer is outside,Sandra, she will never know that I start late.When it's 10 minute, I have to get out from this room and move to the next one.How can I get extra time?Impossible, Dr.Larsen!Argh~~~
Alhamdulillah,as I grumbling about, the patient came in.Really, wasnt his fault at all.Nature calls.

OK,you have to take a focused history and perform the abdomen examination.You have 8 minutes.

Huh,as I thought!No extra time.Takpalah.

7th station
Oh,My God! Dr. Elder and Dr. Whiltshire.Peads!Fuh!Nasib baik bukan Dr.Stanley.

This mother comes in as her daughter,Hayley aged 18 months does not gain any weight since 6 months ago. Address her concern and you will be asked to give the summary of your findings and provide a diagnosis.

Very vague.My history taking was crap!Padahal,baru saja lepas peadiatrik modul.Bagaimanakah???

8th station
Dr. Wong and Dr.Raymond were there in the room.OK,must be general med station.Eh,wait, I know this patient.I had him during my General Med OSCE.Bad history I would say~Heh!

Examine this patient's cranial nerves 2,3,4 and 6.Report the findings as you proceed.You will be asked few questions at the end.

Good Lord!I just practiced this with Ana and Mel.Alhamdulillah.Just remember not to confuse Right and Left.

"I would test his visual equity using the Snellen Chart but Im not going to do this now." "Oh,wait.There's a Snellen Chart here.Probably I need to test your vision then."
What the heck!You should check the box first,Huda. Alamak, macam mana nak guna hand Snellen Chart ni?Adoi.Tulah,dulu asyik mention jek,tak nak buat betul2.

9th station
Yeay!Finally!Oh Allah! Tak sabar ni.

Erk! Dr.Maharaj~~~Orang kata dia adalah garang.Intimidating!

This lady presents with 10 years history of incontinence.You have 8 minutes to take history and you will be asked about the management.

Lovely lady,I would say.Alhamdulillah.

"OK, Huda.Tell the patient how would you manage her?"

"....and also we could offer you some medication,Im not quite sure how we give it to you but it will help you overreactive bladder."

"What medication you you give her?"

"Oxybutanin."

"What?How do you know about this?Where you read this from?"

"..err...err...err..."

"This is pretty new.You could get distinction,huh!"

In my mind: "Dia ni perli aku ke apa?Keep the straight face,Huda.Persetankan dia."

"OK, for long term management,what would you do?"

"We could offer you operation..." tetiba kena potong.

"What?Operation?Who are you to perform the surgery?You are a TI.Not a surgeon.Come on, How would you manage her in long term?Come on,come on."

"..err..admit her to the hospital...?"

"No, no,no!"

"..err...err...refer or discuss with my consultant???..."

"No,no,no!Come on, You have ruled out this from your history just now!U know this"

"..err..."

"Time's up!You may leave now!" I can see the frustation in his face.

"Wait, I would refer her to the urology department." and he didnt bother to listen~~~Afterall, my time is up!


----> The end of OSCE.I looked around, searching for a shoulder to cry on.I saw Dylan.Perfect!Would borrow his shoulder.Oh,No!Bukan muhrim.Owh,How I wish Ana or Mel were here to hug me.To comfort me!

"Huda, are you alrite?"

"Noela, thank God you are here.Can you hug me.please?Really need it."

"Sure,Hon"

..and I cried!

(Syukur pada Illahi)

The End of Fifth Year

5 years being here in NZ;3 years down in Dunedin, 2 years up here in windy city of Wellington.

27th October 2007 - Saturday
Huda Zakari - Student number 10, in Group 1 (purple). Starting point will be rest station.

Lengkap tertulis pada slip peperiksaan yang kami terima 2 minggu sebelum.
First group, start with rest station,which means I will not have any rest station while doing this OSCE exams.9 stations without a break.Would be tough!And it was!!!

Ini lakaran yang berlaku pada hari Sabtu,27 Oct 2007:

1st station
You are a TI working here today, this lady comes in to have a discussion about her Fluoxetine medication.She is planning to have a children of her own.Attached is the information sheet for SSRI usage in pregnancy and breastfeeding mother.Address her concern.

Well, at first,I thought this station was a GP station.Sweet!I can nail this!Owh,wait.I didnt know about SSRI in pregnancy.Alamak!Im screwed!OK,Huda.Ini untuk masa depan.Berusahalah!Ya Allah, tolonglah hambaMu ini.OK Huda.Baca je apa yang dia tulis tu.
"Hi there.My name is Huda and I am a trainee intern working here today.Is it okay with you to spend sometime taliking to me?" My opening for every station we had that day,or every time I did my OSCE practices. =) TYPICAL. Ayat hafal! =p
Nasib baik the lady is very nice.
It turned out that station was a psych station! Oh, Lord!

2nd station
You are a TI in surgical outpatient clinic and Mr. X comes in after being referred by his GP. He has been noticing blood from her back passage. Take a focused history and you will be stopped at 6 minutes.

Sweet!Surgery station.You can do this Huda.You just revise this with Ana n Mel yesterday evening.You were the patient.You know what to do.Shine Huda, shine! Mr.Keating was in the room with his registrar. He was the one who responsible to my palpitation.No kidding! He was!
Alhamdulillah, the history part was great.

Next task:Please explain to Mr.X that he needs to have a colonoscopy.

Isk, tetiba mindaku dikatup. Blank! I was stucked at the complication part.And, most important thing,I forgot to say about the biopsy part.Alahai,dah sah2lah kalau masukkan endoscope tu akan dibuat sekali biopsy.Huda,Huda. Mr.Keating said,"Well,there's a lot of things you can do while doing the colonoscopy,you know.Especially in patient that we suspect to have cancer.You may leave now." DUSH!Aku diperli oleh Mr.Keating.

3rd station
Aku berlari ke station 3.Punyalah jauh jaraknya dari station 2.Isk.Dahaga sungguh. Aha,ada sterile gell di luar pintu.Examination station.Apa agaknya menanti di dalam.

Mr.K presents with painful left knee.Perform the knee examination in 5 minutes.After that you will be asked to explain something to Mr.K.

I didn't recognise the examiners.Very unfamiliar faces.No written vignette.And, did I hear left knee?not right?How am I going to do the left side examination when the bed is stuck on the wall?Ok, better ask again."Sir, your left knee is sore,is it right?" "emm,yes.The left one."
Okay,Huda.Put up with it.Look confident! Sigh, of all examinations, why knee? I prefer shoulder over knee.Oh,my Lord.This is my weakest examination.Help me,Allah! Personally, I think I did badly.I could see the examiners looked so angry.Nevermind,Huda.Just proceed to the next task.

Explain what is wrong with the Xray result and address his concern.
Fuh,I'm done with the 2surgery stations.Move on,Huda!


....to be continued (too long to put under 1 entry)