Hari terakhir cuti.
Awal pagi tadi telefon Kak Yan.Akad nikah malam nanti,esok bersanding.Kak Yan is my cousin.She's 25.Serasa macam baru semalam borak-borak atas katil Kak Nora,duduk bersembang girly stuff.Masa tu ketiga kami baru nak kenal dunia,terutamanya yang tgh bercerita ni.=p Kak Nora and Kak Yan work after their SPM,whereas me continue with the uni.I guess that makes us a lil bit apart;having a different path after the high school.Still we are sisters,bonded by Javanese blood.Hehehhe...Sekarang,Kak Nora dah bersuami 4 tshun,perutnya berisi sebulan (ada ke pula perut,rahim kan?=p).Kak Yan pula bakal duduk satu kelab dengan Kak Nora.Saya lagi terkontang-kanting sorang.Hihihih...I am the eldest,but I am always their sister.Love you guys!
Aunty Rose menjengah ke rumah tengah hari tadi.Cari teman katanya.Bila dah duduk bersembang dengan Aunty,tak sah kalau bukan sejam dua.Lebih dari tu pun mampu.Tak bosan dengan leteran Aunty.
Dari ceramah pasal tatatertib sampailah ke hal rumahtangga.Hahaha..did I say rumahtangga?Ye,Huda! Awak tu dah 23.Welcome to adulthood.
Aunty pesan,kalau kita kerja dlm community services area,jagalah hati orang baik-baik.Nobody should be treated as a 2nd class citizen.Each of us has our value.Different from each other.That is why we need to treat people with same situation differently.Lebih-lebih lagi kalau pekerja kerajaan,nak-nak yang bergelar Doktor M.D.Common penyakit pun,setiap orang kena dirawat dengan berbeza.
Life should be seen from all perspectives.We are living in a glass house.You turn right,you will get different view from the left.Memang senang dicakap,tapi,harap-harapnya,apa yang dicakap akan bawa kepada perbuatan. =)
Apa-apa pun kita buat,kena buat betul-betul dan kena sentiasa ikhlaskan diri.Make sure you make yourself as an asset to your boss.Hehehe..asset eh,Aunty~ Meow...
Aunty pesan lagi, "Kamu ni, nak jadi doctor,make sure kawin sebelum kamu kerja.Once you've entered working life, you will be married to it.No more man~."Agak keras penyataan tu rasanya,kan?Well,perhaps I am not yet in such position to say any comment,as I have never experienced myself.I have seen get married after they work and I have seen women married to their jobs.So, yea...really can't tell which one I'm going to be like.Either way for me,individual options.You have commit to something,obviously you have to sacrifice something else.Clearly,Aunty doesn't agree with me. =p
Bahaya hang out dengan Aunty lama-lama.Maklumlah, orang dah makan garam dulu,pandai betul Aunty meneka apa di dalam ni..Hish~~~ =p Kagum betul tengok orang main teka-teka fikiran orang ni,kan?MasyaAllah~
Melor baru pergi school tadi.Pulang dari Moshim,nak buat pulut hitam.Permintaan khas Zanisha...Hehehe (..dpt juga kita merasa pulut hitam Mel lagi =p).Bukan pulut hitam je Mel bawa ke rumah, dia bawa sekalah buku-buku dari pigeon hole.
I guess, the holiday is over for me.Time to get serious again! Back on track,Huda!
Pretty excited about it.Ye lah, dah menjadi TI kan?Alhamdulillah~
Still a bit worried.I don't think I am ready yet.
With current situation, just Melor and I at home.
No Ana.No Wani.No Zen.No Nuha~
How I wish you guys were here.Support me to overcome this nervousness.
Never take for granted what we usually have~
HATI MENANGIS SIAPA TAHU
Sahabat
Mengertikah kau
Akan perasaanku
Yang terbahagi
Oleh persahabatan dan keakraban
Aku manusia daif
Yang sering alpa
Tanggungjawab terhadapmu
Aku ibarat gelas
Walau buruk macam manapun
Walau cantik macam mana pun
Air akan tetap bergenang dalam tubuhku
Teman
Manusia tak pernah lari dari kesilapan
Manusia tidak pernah lari dari kealpaan
Kealpaan yang menghancurkan persahabatan
Tolong,sahabat!
Tolonglah daku
Maafkanlah daku
Lupakanlah kesalahanku
Tuhan
Ampunilah ralatku
Ralat yang dicucuk iblis
Tuhan
Pujuklah hati temanku
Untuk memaafkanku
Teman
Jika kau berkeras hati
Tidak memaafkanku
Biarlahku bawa diri
Dengan rasa ketakutan menjadi hiasan diri
Lama sudah kusimpan sajak ini,sedari ia mula tertulis.1998.Dah dekat sedekad!
Don't know when I made this.Obviously not this recent =)
I found this from my hard disc.Let's see who true it is =)
Seems like more againts than pro.Nganganga~~~
It's all coming back to me now.
Maybe people might say "It's so cliche."Nevermind.I find it the same too!
But for real,the feeling that I had a week after the exams finished (or a week before the results were ready for us) just the same when I waited for my PMR results.
It was 8years ago. My sleepless nights (although I found myself woke up quite late everyday~), the uncomfortable feelings within me etc.Couldn't put them all in one word!Owh,wait.Maybe there's one-MISERABLE!
Failure is what I fear for at this moment.Not just me, everybody! I found this quotation is rather popular within the past few weeks "Failure is simply a price we pay to achieve success!"Often seen in blogs or shoutbox.Exam fever,I reckon.
8 years ago, I called school office, to know my PMR results.Alhamdulillah,I got 8As.Sadly, my friends couldn't make it.Supposely I should feel joyful with my own result but reality I wasnt. Abah told me not to worry about them.It wasnt my fault that they couldnt make it.Even not theirs.It was just written by HIM.Been living together for 3 years;sharing the good and bad moments,made our sisterhood grows even stroger each day.When it's only you who reached the top, and others still struggling,it wasnt fun at all.
Now, the tragedy repeats.Before I proceed,Alhamdulillah, praise to Allah.Who has granted me what I wanted,for so long.For myself,mak,abah,adik2,cikgu2 and family.Of all people, I would thank people who always be there for me, during my great and worst time-Anna Mohamad,Melor Khairul Bakri, Shazwani Jaafar Sidek, Ayuni Mohamed,Siti Zunairah Jaafar,Azalea Khairuddin,Ailin Omar,Nusaibah Azman.You guys don't know how important you are to me.I really mean it,truly.Here, I thank you all. (And also to Holly Shine,Neil Avery and Aimee Hawker-my OSCE groupmates) 
Somehow, I am afraid.What will be taken away from me as I have gotten my dream. I wished for this since forever,and I wonder how much will I need to pay for it. Life is a bumpy road.For sure, we are not always on the top.I feel like I'm on the top at the moment.I don't know what will bring me down again.I said to Sasmira once ,"I don't like to be on the top.When you fall,you will hurt youself badly.It's better to stay in the middle of the wheel.Flat and boring.But it just the way I like it." But you know,being on the top would always be a dream of mine.I could only dream of it,not strong enough to experience it myself.
Perhaps,life isn't as simple as that.It has all written in Luh Mahfuz.
“Adakah kamu mengira kamu akan masuk Syurga, padahal belum datang kepada kamu dugaan seperti yang datang kepada orang-orang sebelum kamu. Mereka ditimpa malapetaka dan kesengsaraan serta digoncangkan (dengan berbagai cubaan) sehingga berkata Rasul dan orang-orang beriman bersamanya, “Bilakah datangnya pertolongan Allah,?”. Ingatlah sesungguhnya pertolongan Allah itu dekat” (Al-Baqarah:214).
Ayat ini betul-betul menyedarkan diri yang hanyut.Diri yang masih lagi tak utuh bila dibedal taufan duniawi.Macam mana nak balik tanah tumpah darah kalau diri masih ditakuk lama.Macam mana nak merubah dunia kalau penghuni jasad tak mahu bertukar rupa.
Baru tadi punya semangat.
Winter trip 2005 bersama Aseng selaku pemandu, Aini dan Abu. Really fun,guys!
Ini baru kotak pertama.Ada lagi kotak meraung menanti diselongkar.
Bersambung nanti.
(from previous entry)
4th station
You are a TI in one of the GP practice.A mother concerns about her son who has poorly controlled eczema.
GP station.Fuh,tough.But I should be able to do this.Eczema.Pretty random!Come on,Huda.You have been to eczema clinic with awesome Debbie,the eczema nurse.Argh, kenapalah saat2 begini tak berfungsi minda ni?Tarik nafas.Fuh!
5th station
Alamak! Dr.Stace is here~He is my guru!Salute him!Dr.Rajapakse is here too,accompanying Dr.Stace.Gabra2!Relax Huda!
This gentleman comes in as he complains of being fat.Attached is the lab results for him.Take a focused history and you will be asked few questions after 8 minutes.
I have to admit, I could have done this better.Way better.Sigh~
6th station
"Ok Huda.You are meant to take history from this gentleman who complains of pain around his abdomen started 2days ago.But, he is gone to the loo.Shall we wait for him?We will give you extra time,okay?"
What?Extra time?That isn't possible!The timer is outside,Sandra, she will never know that I start late.When it's 10 minute, I have to get out from this room and move to the next one.How can I get extra time?Impossible, Dr.Larsen!Argh~~~
Alhamdulillah,as I grumbling about, the patient came in.Really, wasnt his fault at all.Nature calls.
OK,you have to take a focused history and perform the abdomen examination.You have 8 minutes.
Huh,as I thought!No extra time.Takpalah.
7th station
Oh,My God! Dr. Elder and Dr. Whiltshire.Peads!Fuh!Nasib baik bukan Dr.Stanley.
This mother comes in as her daughter,Hayley aged 18 months does not gain any weight since 6 months ago. Address her concern and you will be asked to give the summary of your findings and provide a diagnosis.
Very vague.My history taking was crap!Padahal,baru saja lepas peadiatrik modul.Bagaimanakah???
8th station
Dr. Wong and Dr.Raymond were there in the room.OK,must be general med station.Eh,wait, I know this patient.I had him during my General Med OSCE.Bad history I would say~Heh!
Examine this patient's cranial nerves 2,3,4 and 6.Report the findings as you proceed.You will be asked few questions at the end.
Good Lord!I just practiced this with Ana and Mel.Alhamdulillah.Just remember not to confuse Right and Left.
"I would test his visual equity using the Snellen Chart but Im not going to do this now." "Oh,wait.There's a Snellen Chart here.Probably I need to test your vision then."
What the heck!You should check the box first,Huda. Alamak, macam mana nak guna hand Snellen Chart ni?Adoi.Tulah,dulu asyik mention jek,tak nak buat betul2.
9th station
Yeay!Finally!Oh Allah! Tak sabar ni.
Erk! Dr.Maharaj~~~Orang kata dia adalah garang.Intimidating!
This lady presents with 10 years history of incontinence.You have 8 minutes to take history and you will be asked about the management.
Lovely lady,I would say.Alhamdulillah.
"OK, Huda.Tell the patient how would you manage her?"
"....and also we could offer you some medication,Im not quite sure how we give it to you but it will help you overreactive bladder."
"What medication you you give her?"
"Oxybutanin."
"What?How do you know about this?Where you read this from?"
"..err...err...err..."
"This is pretty new.You could get distinction,huh!"
In my mind: "Dia ni perli aku ke apa?Keep the straight face,Huda.Persetankan dia."
"OK, for long term management,what would you do?"
"We could offer you operation..." tetiba kena potong.
"What?Operation?Who are you to perform the surgery?You are a TI.Not a surgeon.Come on, How would you manage her in long term?Come on,come on."
"..err..admit her to the hospital...?"
"No, no,no!"
"..err...err...refer or discuss with my consultant???..."
"No,no,no!Come on, You have ruled out this from your history just now!U know this"
"..err..."
"Time's up!You may leave now!" I can see the frustation in his face.
"Wait, I would refer her to the urology department." and he didnt bother to listen~~~Afterall, my time is up!
----> The end of OSCE.I looked around, searching for a shoulder to cry on.I saw Dylan.Perfect!Would borrow his shoulder.Oh,No!Bukan muhrim.Owh,How I wish Ana or Mel were here to hug me.To comfort me!
"Huda, are you alrite?"
"Noela, thank God you are here.Can you hug me.please?Really need it."
"Sure,Hon"
..and I cried!
(Syukur pada Illahi)
5 years being here in NZ;3 years down in Dunedin, 2 years up here in windy city of Wellington.
27th October 2007 - Saturday
Huda Zakari - Student number 10, in Group 1 (purple). Starting point will be rest station.
Lengkap tertulis pada slip peperiksaan yang kami terima 2 minggu sebelum.
First group, start with rest station,which means I will not have any rest station while doing this OSCE exams.9 stations without a break.Would be tough!And it was!!!
Ini lakaran yang berlaku pada hari Sabtu,27 Oct 2007:
1st station
You are a TI working here today, this lady comes in to have a discussion about her Fluoxetine medication.She is planning to have a children of her own.Attached is the information sheet for SSRI usage in pregnancy and breastfeeding mother.Address her concern.
Well, at first,I thought this station was a GP station.Sweet!I can nail this!Owh,wait.I didnt know about SSRI in pregnancy.Alamak!Im screwed!OK,Huda.Ini untuk masa depan.Berusahalah!Ya Allah, tolonglah hambaMu ini.OK Huda.Baca je apa yang dia tulis tu.
"Hi there.My name is Huda and I am a trainee intern working here today.Is it okay with you to spend sometime taliking to me?" My opening for every station we had that day,or every time I did my OSCE practices. =) TYPICAL. Ayat hafal! =p
Nasib baik the lady is very nice.
It turned out that station was a psych station! Oh, Lord!
2nd station
You are a TI in surgical outpatient clinic and Mr. X comes in after being referred by his GP. He has been noticing blood from her back passage. Take a focused history and you will be stopped at 6 minutes.
Sweet!Surgery station.You can do this Huda.You just revise this with Ana n Mel yesterday evening.You were the patient.You know what to do.Shine Huda, shine! Mr.Keating was in the room with his registrar. He was the one who responsible to my palpitation.No kidding! He was!
Alhamdulillah, the history part was great.
Next task:Please explain to Mr.X that he needs to have a colonoscopy.
Isk, tetiba mindaku dikatup. Blank! I was stucked at the complication part.And, most important thing,I forgot to say about the biopsy part.Alahai,dah sah2lah kalau masukkan endoscope tu akan dibuat sekali biopsy.Huda,Huda. Mr.Keating said,"Well,there's a lot of things you can do while doing the colonoscopy,you know.Especially in patient that we suspect to have cancer.You may leave now." DUSH!Aku diperli oleh Mr.Keating.
3rd station
Aku berlari ke station 3.Punyalah jauh jaraknya dari station 2.Isk.Dahaga sungguh. Aha,ada sterile gell di luar pintu.Examination station.Apa agaknya menanti di dalam.
Mr.K presents with painful left knee.Perform the knee examination in 5 minutes.After that you will be asked to explain something to Mr.K.
I didn't recognise the examiners.Very unfamiliar faces.No written vignette.And, did I hear left knee?not right?How am I going to do the left side examination when the bed is stuck on the wall?Ok, better ask again."Sir, your left knee is sore,is it right?" "emm,yes.The left one."
Okay,Huda.Put up with it.Look confident! Sigh, of all examinations, why knee? I prefer shoulder over knee.Oh,my Lord.This is my weakest examination.Help me,Allah! Personally, I think I did badly.I could see the examiners looked so angry.Nevermind,Huda.Just proceed to the next task.
Explain what is wrong with the Xray result and address his concern.
Fuh,I'm done with the 2surgery stations.Move on,Huda!
....to be continued (too long to put under 1 entry)
