From the deepest me

It's all coming back to me now.
Maybe people might say "It's so cliche."Nevermind.I find it the same too!
But for real,the feeling that I had a week after the exams finished (or a week before the results were ready for us) just the same when I waited for my PMR results.
It was 8years ago. My sleepless nights (although I found myself woke up quite late everyday~), the uncomfortable feelings within me etc.Couldn't put them all in one word!Owh,wait.Maybe there's one-MISERABLE!
Failure is what I fear for at this moment.Not just me, everybody! I found this quotation is rather popular within the past few weeks "Failure is simply a price we pay to achieve success!"Often seen in blogs or shoutbox.Exam fever,I reckon.
8 years ago, I called school office, to know my PMR results.Alhamdulillah,I got 8As.Sadly, my friends couldn't make it.Supposely I should feel joyful with my own result but reality I wasnt. Abah told me not to worry about them.It wasnt my fault that they couldnt make it.Even not theirs.It was just written by HIM.Been living together for 3 years;sharing the good and bad moments,made our sisterhood grows even stroger each day.When it's only you who reached the top, and others still struggling,it wasnt fun at all.
Now, the tragedy repeats.Before I proceed,Alhamdulillah, praise to Allah.Who has granted me what I wanted,for so long.For myself,mak,abah,adik2,cikgu2 and family.Of all people, I would thank people who always be there for me, during my great and worst time-Anna Mohamad,Melor Khairul Bakri, Shazwani Jaafar Sidek, Ayuni Mohamed,Siti Zunairah Jaafar,Azalea Khairuddin,Ailin Omar,Nusaibah Azman.You guys don't know how important you are to me.I really mean it,truly.Here, I thank you all. (And also to Holly Shine,Neil Avery and Aimee Hawker-my OSCE groupmates) Somehow, I am afraid.What will be taken away from me as I have gotten my dream. I wished for this since forever,and I wonder how much will I need to pay for it. Life is a bumpy road.For sure, we are not always on the top.I feel like I'm on the top at the moment.I don't know what will bring me down again.I said to Sasmira once ,"I don't like to be on the top.When you fall,you will hurt youself badly.It's better to stay in the middle of the wheel.Flat and boring.But it just the way I like it." But you know,being on the top would always be a dream of mine.I could only dream of it,not strong enough to experience it myself.
Perhaps,life isn't as simple as that.It has all written in Luh Mahfuz.

“Adakah kamu mengira kamu akan masuk Syurga, padahal belum datang kepada kamu dugaan seperti yang datang kepada orang-orang sebelum kamu. Mereka ditimpa malapetaka dan kesengsaraan serta digoncangkan (dengan berbagai cubaan) sehingga berkata Rasul dan orang-orang beriman bersamanya, “Bilakah datangnya pertolongan Allah,?”. Ingatlah sesungguhnya pertolongan Allah itu dekat” (Al-Baqarah:214).
Ayat ini betul-betul menyedarkan diri yang hanyut.Diri yang masih lagi tak utuh bila dibedal taufan duniawi.Macam mana nak balik tanah tumpah darah kalau diri masih ditakuk lama.Macam mana nak merubah dunia kalau penghuni jasad tak mahu bertukar rupa.